Tribute from Barbara Bickart

 

The last time I spent a real chunk of time with Doug was a few years ago, when he and my brother John came to build shelves and counters all the way around the walls and up to the ceiling in my garage.  The three of us spent two days hammering, cutting, convincing all those boards into place.  

 

Over the course of those two days, Doug must have said this about 10 times:  “This is sooo great.  Look at us!  Gramps would be so proud!  We’re building the hell out of this!”   

 

And every time he said it, it was like he was saying it for the first time – 

with all his incredible Dougness of laughter and gusto.  

 

“We’re building the HELL out of this!”

 

And every  time he said it we all laughed just as hard as the first time he said it because it was that funny.  

 

Our collective laughter reached back,  beyond that moment, pulling forward so many memories of building stuff together…

the building that happens over time….

 

I have been trying to make sense of the senselessness of this loss, circling around it, over and over again….

 

Families like this one are built over time and across so many lines…

 

Wendy’s name is something of a blueprint for the family in this room:  Wendy Jane Conover Villapiano Bickart.  

 

My son Charlie has given me new language for defining Family…   

Family are those we Claim and those who Claim us.  

That’s the kind of family this is.  

 

The full story of this Family is right there in the blueprint of Wendy’s name: Wendy Jane Conover Villapiano Bickart.

 

Claimed families sprawl outside of bloodlines, across marriages, across divorces, across births, adoptions, re-marriages, and losses… 

AND across the building that comes from years and cycles of Love and Forgiveness.

 

Coming to terms with THIS particular Learning has not been easy for me:    

That the most we can ever do in building a Family is to walk beside one another, across all the lines, drawing our own blueprint, through years and cycles of Love and Forgiveness…

 

I always wish I could do more —  

like we did in the garage that day …. 

to hammer and push and convince the pieces into place.   

 

But all we can ever do is walk beside and witness the journey of those we Claim and those who Claim us. 

Through years and cycles of Love and Forgiveness…   

 

I Claim Doug and he Claimed me.  

 

Everyone in this room Claims Doug in their own way. 

Everyone holds pieces of him in the Claiming. 

 

We are all holding him together. 

 

Maybe today we are all holding him back together again as we Claim him…      

 

So that we can continue forward and Build the Hell out of every moment we’re given,

like he did with such incredible Love and Forgiveness and Gusto and Courage,  

EVERY time he had to start over.